Anxious parent

Dear Ed,
​I have a new student this year that moved from another school board. He is an 8 year old with autism who is pretty shy at first but has been willing to try new things as he gets more and more comfortable in the classroom. He requires a good deal of support in school on a daily basis, but nothing that I am not used to providing. I know that his mother was not satisfied with the supports provided at his last school and is very anxious about his supports and experience in school this year. How can I help make her more comfortable about his school experience?

-Warm welcome

Dear Warm Welcome,
It is so encouraging to hear that you acknowledge the anxiety that this and many parents feel about sending their child to school. This issue is especially prevalent for parents of students with extensive support needs. Many parents worry that their child may not be getting the support or even basic care needed to be safe and experience school success. For parents of children with limited communication abilities and/or supports, this issue is often compounded as parents are often solely reliant on teacher or educational assistant feedback to understand what occurs throughout the day.  And, we know that this anxiety is not always misplaced as the educational system has not always done enough to sufficiently meet the needs of students with exceptionalities, let alone hold high expectations for academic and social growth. 
So, I think first know that recognizing this issue should be considered a success and an excellent start toward building a trusting and collaborative relationship with the child's parent. The next step here is two-fold including recognizing opportunities for both input- making space for the parent's voice, and output- keeping the parent informed and up to date. In terms of input, consider offering regular appointments for communication. This could include a daily journal exchange, where the teacher and parent can briefly share key information and ask questions, as well as a weekly phone call, text, or email exchanges to provide updates, ask questions, or problem solve. Much anxiety around teacher-parent communication can be caused by irregular or unclear processes for communication. For example, imagine your feelings about the prospect of calling an airline or phone company to address a critical and time sensitive problem. Are you looking forward to it? Do you believe that your concerns will be heard and be noted quickly? On a side note, I once waited over a year to resolve an issue with a cancelled flight. Needless to say, I did not feel heard and now gladly avoid dealing with the company again. It's important to remember that parents typically do not have the option to pick another classroom, school, or board.  It is up to the teacher to not only create a positive climate for the student success, but also for parent engagement and cooperation. Providing predictable and regular opportunities for communication can go a long way to building a trusting relationship. Like anything, this extra effort takes both time and energy and could be considered an extra duty for the list. However, any efforts to improve and maintain positive parent relationships should be seen as a worthwhile investment that will improve information sharing between the two most influential people in a child's life- family and school staff. 
For output, consider both what can and should be shared regularly and how best this can be shared. In addition to regular board and school communications, this should include considerations of both regular and novel content. Regular content is that which can help both the teacher and the parent understand important events that occurred during, before, and after the school day. This could include parents reporting that their child had a rough time sleeping the night before or the teacher noting that the child did not eat much of their lunch. For students working on toilet training, this could also include details related to eliminations. While some teachers use blank paper for this, I found that a pre-planned form with checklists for some topics and open boxes for others made it easy to complete the notebook each day with the most important information. While factual reporting is important, sharing novel information is equally helpful and welcomed. Novel information refers to that which can spur a conversation between the parents and their child. Imagine the difference between asking a teenager how school was that day vs. if they noticed the dog that snuck in and walked around their school during lunch. The difference is stark, between “fine” and what could be an actual discussion or funny exchange. Providing information to parents, even in small bits, can go a long way in building the relationship and closing the gap between home and school. A note as simple as, Henry’s art teacher was thrilled with his painting today in art class, he painted a boat, or we had a guest speaker who spoke about working as a pilot, Fatima got to try on the fighter jet helmet.  
In short, dealing with an anxious parent boils down to intentional efforts of communication by the teacher or other pertinent school staff. These efforts should include both input and output, including both regular and novel information and be both predictable and accessible to parents. While it may take time, work toward building a positive and productive relationship with parents of students with autism and developmental disabilities is never time wasted.
 
Related Resources:

• Burnaby Schools, BC, tips on home-school communication notebooks: https://burnabyschools.ca/learning-support-services/home-school-communication-books/
• BRIDGES Model for increasing parent-teacher engagement: Sawyer, M. (2015). BRIDGES: Connecting with families to facilitate and enhance involvement. Teaching Exceptional Children, 47(3), 172-179. https://howardcc.instructure.com/courses/1077704/files/63106621/download?verifier=KQP2abXdzWnd0uxdgrTUhALEW9eDDTputR28MJbi&wrap=1​​

Sincerely,
Ed